Ash Wednesday is the start to my favorite time in the church year. The time spent in Lent has been one I have loved since I started attending church in high school. To love this contemplative, alleluia-less season means many things. Maybe I love it so much because I’ve never actually followed through on the giving up something practice that so many take part in. I think I gave up pop one year, but I was allowed to drink it on Sundays because someone had said that Sundays are not included in the 40 days, and because it’s the Sabbath and self-denial is hard work! Work – and you aren’t supposed to do that on the Sabbath, so go to church and enjoy a Dr. Pepper at your post-worship Olive Garden lunch and rest the day away– that was my theory then anyway. Nevertheless, I don’t think my denial of pop brought me any closer to God, prepared me for Easter, or even helped to understand temptation (I don’t think I lasted the 40 days either). The aspects of Lent that I have participated in are traditional in other ways – soup suppers and Holden Evening Prayer – how can you not love soup and Holden? It is such a beautiful service and I especially love this practice because it is one I’ve taken part in since I knew Lent was a thing. As soon as the familiar songs begin, it brings back memories of past Lents and triggers a reflection which continues through the season. It feels like adding a ring to a tree’s growth every time we encounter these 40 days. The songs and prayers from this service are a way to touch and revisit each of those rings from years passed. Ash Wednesday is the kick off to the whole thing.
Ashes to Ashes / Dust to Dust
On Ash Wednesday, I had a whole mix of emotions as I looked down at my sleeping 1-month-old startle as he received ashes in the sign of the cross on his forehead and heard the words “from dust you were made, and to dust you shall return”. I thought of my love of Lent - where my life had been in previous years and where it is now. I thought of Noah and wondered how will he take on these practices in his own life. I think most of all I was overwhelmed by looking down at one of my sons with an ash cross on his small face, and thinking of my other son who sits in ashes in a marked box in our bedroom.
From dust you were made, and from dust you shall return.
I think Noah’s response to this reminder of our mortality was one we should all have. Startle. Yes, death is a part of life and one day it will happen to us all. So be startled. This startle is not fear. This startle does not petrify us. This startle is a brief wake up from our comfortable on-going lives. This startle is a chance to reflect and ponder where our lives are because, at any unknown time, it is dust which we shall return. Now I doubt that is what Noah was doing at this time (although I am his mom and I think he is brilliant, so I’m not totally ruling it out). His following response is also more than appropriate – he smiled and returned to his nap peacefully.
This startle should not upset you. Put this startling news to good use, so you can smile and happily return to your life when your Lenten journey ends.
My Startle – My Lenten Journey
For Lent I have decided to take on a new practice. Be gentle with yourself. It is the name of my blog which suggests that I think it’s important and do it all the time, right? Well no, that is a lie – not the importance part, but the actually doing it. These are not words of wisdom that I came up with, so I should explain the namesake. When Josiah died and a new semester of seminary started the next week, Josh and I met with one of our professors. While discussing whether or not we should start classes and how to live in our new reality, this was his advice: Be gentle with yourselves. If you are having a good day, allow yourself to have a good day without feeling guilty and if the next day is a bad day, let it be a bad day and not feel like the good day was a lie. But beyond this life circumstance, shouldn’t we all be gentle with ourselves at all points in our lives? On the good days, the bad days, and the days in-between, be gentle with yourself.
I am startled. I am reviewing my life, knowing, like with Josiah, that we never know when our time here is done. I am startled. I am using this Lenten journey to give up the things that keep me from being the best me because they distract me from who God created me to be. And I am being gentle with myself in preparation for Easter. Easter is the time which we celebrate the hope we have in Christ. We also celebrate the grace God has for us. And this is why I am taking on the practice of being gentle with myself – here’s the thing, when you are not gentle with yourself, not only do you get in the way of being your best self, but more importantly you do not allow yourself to accept and experience God’s grace. You will be too busy with why you should have been better, why you need to do more, why you are not enough – but I mean really, if God can forgive all, if God extends limitless grace to all, can’t we give ourselves a little?
I am practicing being gentle with myself already because obviously Ash Wednesday was 9 days ago – so I will let the time that has past go, and start here and now.
I will be doing this journey with somewhat of a format. Each week, I will be gentle with myself with a focus I have chosen which I deemed as “problem areas” for my self-gentleness (okay I thought I’d try out that phrase but it sounds weird so I won’t use it again). Each week will have goals that go with that week’s focus and I will blog about them each which. (Much of this journey came to me while reading Rachel Held Evans A Year of Biblical Womanhood – read it, it’s great!)
The focuses are:
-Be gentle with yourself, with a discerning spirit
-Be gentle with yourself, with a realistic attitude
-Be gentle with yourself, with flexibility
-Be gentle with yourself, with intention
-Be gentle with yourself, with forgiveness
-Be gentle with yourself, with real presence
From dust you were made and to dust you shall return – so in the meantime, be gentle with yourself.
